The Garfield Movie (2024) | Transcript - Scraps from the loft (2024)

The Garfield Movie (2024)
Genre
: Animation, Comedy, Family, Adventure
Director: Mark Dindal
Stars: Chris Pratt, Samuel L. Jackson, Hannah Waddingham, Ving Rhames, Nicholas Hoult

Plot: Garfield, the world-famous, Monday-hating, lasagna-loving indoor cat, is about to have a wild outdoor adventure! After an unexpected reunion with his long-lost father – scruffy street cat Vic – Garfield and his canine friend Odie are forced from their perfectly pampered life into joining Vic in a hilarious, high-stakes heist.

* * *

[HIP-HOP MUSIC PLAYING]

[SINGER VOCALIZING]

GARFIELD: Okay, time to eat. Let’s see… Open the app.

I’m gonna get a double pepperoni pizza, uh, order of breadsticks… and, well, lasagna. Yeah.

Ooh! New item alert? Jalapeño breadstick quick bites.

Huh. It might be nice to have something in the salad family.

[CHIMES]

And do I want dessert? Ooh!

[CHUCKLES] I’m gonna be naughty, butterscotch budino.

Okay, I’m gonna have five.

[CHIMING]

Delivery?

Goes without saying.

Now, please.

AUTOMATED VOICE: Mamma mia!

All right, that ought to hold me ’til breakfast.

Oh, hey! Wait, are you guys early or am I late?

No matter. I have got a real treat for you today.

[BARKING EXCITEDLY]

No, not a treat for you.

[WHIMPERING]

[SIGHS IN EXASPERATION]

Okay.

[GROANS]

Anyway, about that treat.

Can I just say, you will not be disappointed?

It’s a story about me…

[DOORBELL RINGING]

…that no one’s ever heard before, featuring someone in my life you’ve never met.

I don’t know about you, but color me intrigued.

[TRUMPETING]

Oh, yeah, drone delivery.

Welcome to the future.

You know, to really understand everything,

I’m gonna have to take you back to where it all began.

Mmm-hmm.

Don’t want anything to take away from the flavor of the cheese.

[GULPS]

[BELL DINGS]

And like every great story, it all started…

[MAKES SUCKING NOISE]

…on a dark and stormy night.

[IMITATES THUNDER]

[THUNDER RUMBLING]

Wait here, Junior. I’ll be right back.

[SOMBER INSTRUMENTAL PIANO MUSIC PLAYING]

[THUNDERCLAP]

[SOMBER MUSIC CONTINUES]

[DOG BARKING AND GROWLING]

[TIRES SCREECHING]

[SIREN WAILS]

[ENGINE ROARING]

[SNIFFING]

[SOFT MUSIC PLAYING]

[CHATTERING INDISTINCTLY]

[ENGINE ROARING]

[HORNS HONKING]

CHORUS: moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie

That’s amore

SINGER: That’s more

When the world seems to shine

Like you’ve had too much wine

That’s amore

That’s amore

Bells will ring

Ting-a-ling-a-ling

Ting-a-ling-a-ling

And you’ll sing “vita bella”

Vita bella, vita bella

[CLUCKING]

Open wide, Jake.

Hearts will play

Tippy-tippy-tay, tippy-tippy-tay Like a gay tarantella

Lucky fella

[SIGHS]

When the stars make you drool

[GASPS]

Just like pasta fasul

Oh.

That’s amore

Hi there, little buddy! Hi!

When you dance down the street With a cloud at your feet

You’re in love

GIRL: I’m so full.

When you walk in a dream

[CHUCKLES]

[PURRING]

But you know…

You hungry, little guy?

You’re not dreaming, signore

You want a little more?

Scusami, but you see

Back in old Napoli

Oh! You are a hungry little guy.

That’s more

[GASPS]

That was a quick dinner,

Signore Jon.

You must have been very hungry. Can I bring you anything else?

Uh, yes.

MAN: Grazie, grazie. Thank you very much.

Some… lasagna?

Si, lasagna for one.

Uh, yeah.

You know what, no.

Make it family-style.

Very good.

To go, please, Vito.

MAN: Okay, everybody!

What? Where’d he go?

You all know this one!

ALL: Hey!

MAN: Stand up and sing. Join with us!

Oh, no! Hey!

[MUSIC CONTINUES]

Oh, no, I’m dancing.

Excuse me, pardon me. I hate this. What? Hey! Oh, no.

[CROWD CHEERING]

CROWD: Hey!

[GASPS]

[CROWD VOCALIZING AND CHEERING]

Hey!

[GASPS]

WOMAN: Jon! Takeout for Jon!

CROWD: Hey!

Your takeout is ready,

Signore Jon.

Yes.

One famiglia style lasagna, to go.

[JON EXCLAIMING]

You eat alone too much, Jon.

Yeah.

You should get on the dating apps.

There’s Bumble, Tinder…

I’m good, thanks.

Gluten-Free Singles…

Hot Sauce Passions.

No, I could never…

And you should spend serious money on premium memberships.

Bye! [SIGHS]

[SQUEAKS]

Huh?

Oh, hey! [CHUCKLES]

Well, that was an interesting dinner… that you had.

Well, I guess, um… this is where we say goodbye.

[SOFT PIANO MUSIC PLAYING]

Oh, you’re really cute but I can’t have pets in my apartment.

So, I’ll see you around. Okay? Go on.

No. No, don’t cry, don’t cry.

Oh! Oh!

No, no, no! No. Oh, no. Oh, no.

[GASPS] Wait. Wait, wait, wait.

[SOMBER INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC PLAYING]

You don’t have a home, do you?

SINGER: Scusami, but you see Back in old Napoli

That’s more

CHORUS: Amore

That’s amore

And that’s how I adopted Jon.

[UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING]

GARFIELD: So, I moved Jon out of his apartment… to this nice little two-bed, two-bath in the suburbs.

As soon as he understood the ground rules, well, let’s just say… we were living the dream.

And once we were settled in, I even let Jon get a pet.

[ODIE BARKING]

[SLURPING]

Odie became my most trusted ally.

He was kind, gentle…

and most importantly, my unpaid intern.

[ODIE GROANS]

Huh?

Mmm.

[BLOWS RASPBERRY]

[ODIE GRUNTING]

Oh, yeah, as you can see,

life here is pretty near perfect.

Mmm. Well, yeah, except for…

Time to go to the vet!

[MICROPHONE FEEDBACK]

We’re gonna need the big scale!

Does she need to announce it to the whole office?

[GASPS]

[GASPS]

No! Please, no! Ow! It’s so hot, it’s really hurting!

Ow! Ow! Ow! [GRINDS TEETH]

[SNARLS]

And that’s why we should go from Sunday to Tuesday.

Okay. Where were we?

[UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING]

Wakey, wakey, eggs and bakey. Good morning!

[BARKING]

[MOTOR WHIRRING]

[GASPS]

What? Where’d you get that chair?

[PIANO MUSIC PLAYING]

Huh?

Ha!

WOMAN: I think I was meant to be here tonight

because I was meant to meet you.

I think we were meant to be.

That’s what I meant to say.

You had me at the word, “meant.”

[KISSING]

[ODIE AND JON SOBBING]

TRAINER: We’re gonna ride like the wind!

Faster! Harder! More insane!

[GRUNTS]

Odie?

Yeah, can you put this back to normal?

There you go, just let the pepperoni’s

healing powers work its magic.

[YIPS]

[SNORING]

You saw nothing.

[GARFIELD SIGHS]

Up until that moment, my life was a perfect soufflé.

[THUNDER RUMBLING]

Little did I know it was all about to collapse.

MAN ON HEADPHONES: Imagine yourself drifting away

on a sea of tranquility.

There are no pets to bother you,

distract you or max out your credit card

by excessively placing online food orders.

[SNORING]

[STOMACH RUMBLES]

[GROANS]

Yeah… Sorry… Huh? What? Who said that?

Huh? Odie, Odie? Odie!

It’s time for our midnight snack.

[GROANING]

Thank you, good sir,

your kindness will be rewarded.

[SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC PLAYING]

[YAWNS AND GROANS]

What are we feeling like today, huh? French?

Italian? Chinese? Cupcakes?

[RUMBLES]

Chinese it is.

Odie, shape everything from the bottom two shelves

into a dumpling.

[CLANGING]

Huh?

Huh?

[SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC PLAYING]

[THUNDERCLAP]

[ANIMAL SNARLING]

[DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING]

[GROWLING]

[BRITISH ACCENT] Late night snackin’.

Not good for digestion!

Odie, I’m dreamin’ again. Slap me across the face.

[ROARS]

Nope. Still dreamin’.

I must be really deep in this one.

[THUNDERCLAP]

GARFIELD: [STAMMERING] What do you guys…

You want money?

I don’t have any money, okay? Who carries cash anymore?

I’ve got Jon’s credit card number memorized…

Five-5-5-2-3-8-5-7-5-5-2-1. Did you write that down?

Expiration code is 5-5-5.

The cat is out of the bag!

[LAUGHS]

[ODIE GRUNTS]

[CHUCKLES]

I really hope this kidnapping plan works

or she’ll put us down…

[GASPING]

with her insults and cutting observations.

[GASPS] I think this is a case of mistaken identity.

You must be looking for another

gorgeous, lovable kitty cat, right?

[SHUDDERS]

Hey, hey, hey! Hey, where’re you going?

No, no, come back, come back!

[SHUDDERING]

[BARKING]

Odie? I’ll handle this. All right, you guys.

I’m giving you to the count of three

to get back here and let us down.

One, two, three!

Four, five…

I am not kidding here!

[PLAYING SAD HARMONICA MUSIC]

Three hundred and eight, 309, 300…

Yeah, they’re not comin’. [GROANS] It’s over.

[MUSIC ENDS]

MYSTERIOUS VOICE: Psst.

[GASPS]

[ENLIGHTENING MUSIC PLAYING]

GARFIELD: Huh?

[HARMONICA SQUEALS]

Am I dead?

Are you an angel?

Please, take me.

I am ready to go to that…

to that all-you-can-eat buffet in the sky.

What? Listen, I’m going to swing you out,

cut your ropes and drop you safely to that landing below.

Wait, what? That seems a tad risky.

Is there another plan that doesn’t involve

cutting a rope over a 40-foot drop?

No time. We gotta get outta here before they come back.

[ODIE YIPS]

[GROANS]

We need to go. Come on, Junior!

Wait here, Junior. I’ll be right back.

[THUNDERCLAP]

I’ll be right back. I’ll be right back.

I’ll be right back.

[GASPS]

You!

Hey! Junior.

Huh?

“Who is he?” This is Vic. My “father.”

Look, Junior, I know how you might be upset.

Upset? Why would I be upset?

You only abandoned me in an alley as a kitten.

I’m probably just overreacting!

[BOTH GASP]

[EERIE MUSIC PLAYING]

[SCREECHING]

Oh, no, not her.

Okay, follow me, Junior.

Oh, no, no, no.

You lost the privilege of telling me

what to do a long time ago.

Hello, Vic.

[BOTH SHRIEK]

Dang it!

Scare cam! Oh, you should’ve seen your faces!

[GASPS AND LAUGHS]

Okay, boys, show me!

Hello, Vic.

[BOTH SHRIEK]

Dang…

[LAUGHS] Post that ASAP!

[CACKLES]

Wha… [CHUCKLES]

What? Hey, Jinx! I haven’t seen you since…

Well, no hard feelings though, right?

Oh, I don’t think so.

I’m a hugger!

Part of me wants to be mad at her

for kidnapping us, but you gotta love her energy.

[GASPS] Where are my manners?

Chop-chop, gentlemen! Look alive!

[GLASS CLINKS]

[GARGLING]

Mwah! Perfection.

You know, I was so delighted

that you accepted my invitation here tonight.

Well, throwing us in a burlap sack

wasn’t exactly an Evite.

Vic, you’re so quiet. Are you feline sad?

Cat got your tongue? Would you prefer a mew-mosa?

Excuse me, how do you two know each other?

Let me handle this, Junior.

Oh, don’t “Junior” me.

You may call me Garfield, Mr. Garfield, or G-Money.

[SCOFFS]

Okay, whatever, no G-Money.

Anyway, can somebody please tell me what is going on?

We really don’t need to get into…

Uh, zip! I’ll take this one.

[CLEARS THROAT]

[PLAYING PIANO]

What?

[GRUNTS]

I’m from a small town outside London

that you’ve probably never heard of.

Oh, I scratched and clawed my way through hard times…

to come here with one dream.

[PEOPLE CHATTERING]

[CAMERA SHUTTERS CLICKING]

[UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING]

I wanted to be seen.

I wanted to matter.

[AUDIENCE GASPS]

[CRICKETS CHIRPING]

But I was a failure.

[TUBA BLOWING]

ANNOUNCER: The winner!

[AUDIENCE CHEERING AND APPLAUDING]

[CHEERING FADES]

And then I met Vic and his crew.

They were outcasts, losers, thugs.

We didn’t have much, but we had each other.

We became a real family.

[SCOFFS] Vic and family? I know where this is goin’.

Excuse me,

garçon, uh, when might we expect appetizers?

Perhaps an amuse-bouche?

And then one night…

We were about to make our biggest score.

Enough milk to last us for weeks.

[UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING]

[GASPS] Vic!

Vic!

Jinx, I tried to come back for you.

You have to know that.

Yes, you get an “A” for effort.

So, what happened next?

Imagine Alcatraz… but smellier.

[RETCHES]

It was cold. And lonely.

And stinky. So very stinky. I can’t overstate that enough.

But it gave me purpose. I needed to get out.

I just needed help.

[DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING]

[PURRS]

[CACKLING]

So, your purpose was to escape jail

and get involved with charities?

No. My purpose was…

revenge.

[GULPS]

Oh, I see, I went the other way with it.

I’m kidding.

Another cat would be bent on revenge,

but I’m… Ooh, how would you put it?

Evolved, compassionate,

and incredibly self-actualized.

Bingo! [CHUCKLES]

I had such trouble finding him

and when I discovered you were his son,

I had no choice but to kidnap you to lure him here.

No, listen, I totally get it.

It’s all part of bein’ associated with Vic.

So, what do you need from him to make this right?

I simply want him to pay back

the quart of milk I lost that night

and we’ll call it even.

I can do that.

What he can’t do is raise a child.

Just one quart.

Just one quart.

Done.

Done.

For every day I was in the pound.

What now?

Nice twist. Well played.

How long were you in the pound again?

Four years, seven months and two days.

Oh! That long?

All right, I’m gonna do the math here

in my brain. Uh, the way you do that is…

[CLEARS THROAT] Odie?

[YIPS]

1,675 quarts of milk.

Exactly right, Odie. We both came up with it

at the exact same time.

Where am I gonna find that much milk?

Well, I suggest you go back to the place

you double-crossed me.

Lactose Farms.

Wow. Well, good luck, Vic!

[CHUCKLES]

I’ll leave you two to work out the fine print.

We’ll just see ourselves out. Odie?

Uh, no. You’re all going to do this.

What? Wait, why me?

He’s the one who abandoned you.

Yes, but this is more than a one-cat job.

Yeah, but I’m sure Vic has a whole crew

of low-life cat burglars he could ask.

Oh, I’m sure he does.

But if I’m being completely honest,

seeing how miserable you make one another

brings me endless satisfaction.

Oh, well, thank you for your honesty.

And if I don’t go?

You can stay and have a playdate with Roland and Nolan.

Okay, boys… go play!

[BOTH GROWLING]

Ma’am, I think this is an opportunity

to take a deep, cleansing breath…

and repeat your anger management mantra.

[CLEARS THROAT]

Anyone else have any objections?

[GULPS] Nope, I’m good. Thanks for the opportunity.

Excellent! Now, you boys have 72 hours.

[GULPING]

[GLASS SHATTERS]

Or else…

I can’t believe this is happening!

I don’t see you for years and when I do,

you pull me into a life of crime!

I had this reunion playing differently in my head too.

Well, that’s the difference between us,

because I never wanted to see you again!

Now, I totally understand your anger.

But if you give me a chance to explain

you’ll see I’m not the bad guy you think I am.

A good guy doesn’t leave his kid in an alley!

It wasn’t like that.

It was exactly like that!

No, it wasn’t.

Let me tell you what, Junior…

No, no!

I don’t wanna hear it! This whole thing with Jinx?

This is your mess, not mine. Come on, Odie.

Can’t let you do that.

We’ll be watching you.

Like a hawk.

[HAWK SCREECHES]

[SHRIEKS]

[GROANS]

Is today a Monday?

Because it feels an awful lot like a Monday.

It’s Thursday.

Not to me, it’s not!

Look, I know this isn’t ideal,

but we have to do this. So, let’s just try and make

the best of our time together.

Our time together?

What are you talkin’ about? Once we get this milk,

I want you out of my life. Forever!

All right, just relax.

Lactose Farms ain’t nothing

but a sleepy little mom-and-pop dairy.

This will be a quick grab and go.

You’ll be back home before you know it.

[CHUCKLES]

So, how do we even get to Lactose Farms?

It’s way out in the country.

You ever jumped a train?

I’ve never jumped.

Look, if jumpin’ a train is too hard, just say it.

How hard could it be?

Exactly!

[BELL DINGING]

Ha-ha! This is gonna be fun.

JON: [YAWNS] Garfield?

Odie? Hello?

Garfield, how many times have I told you

to close the refrigerator door? Ga…

Wait, there’s food on the floor.

[GASPS]

He’s never left food on the floor. Garfield?

[INTENSE MUSIC PLAYING]

Garfield?

Garfield? Garfield?

Garfield? Garfield? Garfield?

[TRAIN HORN BLOWING]

[GARFIELD GRUNTING]

Our best shot at jumping on the train is here.

Hold on a sec. I’m just taking in the wind speed,

the direction of the sun, and various angles.

Yes, I say we jump the train from right here.

Didn’t I just say that?

I’ve seen it on television a million times.

We’ll need a 100 feet of rope.

Uh-huh, rope. Yeah, okay.

Great idea.

Yep.

We’ll throw the rope over that branch

right there.

Over the branch. Got it.

Can you follow me? All right. And then timing it just right,

we swing over as the train passes by

and land on top of the car.

Boom!

Or, we can do this!

Odie, jump, boy!

[YIPS]

Huh?

[BELL DINGS]

Uh-oh!

[YELLS]

Whoa!

[GRUNTING]

[GARFIELD MEOWING URGENTLY]

Part of me wants to help him.

No. This is how he learns.

[GARFIELD GRUNTING]

[CHUCKLES]

[GASPS AND GRUNTS]

I don’t know, it’s kind of pricey.

How does it handle?

[YELLS]

[LAUGHS]

I’ll take it!

[YELLING]

[GRUNTING]

See? I told you this was gonna be fun.

You and I have different definitions of fun.

MAN: Hello?

Oh, finally! Hello!

You’ve reached Find My Pet.

If your pet is lost, we’re here to help.

Hi, yes! Great, okay. My orange tabby and my dog

are both missing and I need your help.

Please listen carefully

as our menu options have changed.

Okay.

If you’d like to hear

this call in Spanish…

oprima número dos.

What?

For Pig Latin, ess-pray even-say.

For gibberish…

Come on. What do I press to talk to a real person?

Your call is very important to us.

There are 1,346 people ahead of you.

What? Garfield, where are you?

[TRAIN HORN BLOWING]

Okay, Vic, you gotta figure this out.

Jinx can’t be trusted

and you gotta keep Junior safe! You just gotta figure out a way

to get him outta this.

[GARFIELD STRAINING]

Tell me, is it a bur? It hurts.

Ah! You pulled my hair. Ow! Ow! Ow!

[GROANS]

Is it a gnat? Is it a bug?

A bug?

[SHRIEKING]

Ow! Ow!

Hmm?

GARFIELD: Odie, Odie!

[SHRIEKING]

Okay.

Hmm.

[CHUCKLES]

You know what, Junior?

This is gonna be good for you.

What’ll be good for me?

What we’re doing.

We’re about to steal a truck full of milk

from a dairy to pay back a deranged cat.

What part of that is going to be good for me?

All of it! You can’t even imagine

the life lessons you’re gonna learn.

Oh, yeah? Name one.

Well, for starters, you already know

how to get on a moving train.

[LAUGHS]

[CLEARS THROAT] I found it funny.

All I’m sayin’ is that to break into a dairy,

it’s going to take a few skills…

I’m guessing a rounded, mush-filled,

overly pampered indoor cat like you…

doesn’t have. So, we need to toughen you up.

Toughen me up? Hey, I know tough, Vic.

You’ve obviously never been in an Olive Garden

that’s run out of breadsticks.

Anyway, I’m never gonna need those skills

you’re talking about.

But you’ll have them.

I’m never gonna break into a dairy

or anything else, ever again.

You are missing the point.

You’re going to learn to improvise,

think on your feet, develop moves

that’ll come in handy out there in the real world!

I wouldn’t be in the “real world”

if it wasn’t for you!

True. You’d still be hanging upside down in the mall.

No, I would be asleep at home!

Missing out on life altogether.

Look, I’m just a dad trying to teach his son some skills.

Uh, no, no, no. You can’t make up for five years

of not being around.

Uh, yes, I can.

No, you can’t.

I think I can.

In fact, you can’t.

Yes, I can!

You really can’t!

With your attitude, I can.

[GROANS] Okay, whatever, “Dad.” Wow. Great lesson. Ugh!

I’m done talking to you.

You do not know me,

you don’t know the first thing about me.

I am not pampered. I’m not anything you think I am!

Okay. I’m just gonna say

that blanket is not the best idea.

Ah! Fantastic, thank you. I’ll take it from here.

[GARFIELD GASPING]

Get them off! Get them off!

Get them off me! What are you doin’?

[GASPS AND SPITS]

What did you do?

Cedar chips.

Spiders hate ’em. See? Another life skill learned.

[STAMMERING] I…

I think the words you’re looking for are…

“Thank you, Pops.”

No, the word I’m looking for is…

Ah! Here’s our stop!

Really? Where?

[YELLING]

[LAUGHS]

Ooh, Odie, you think he’d see that coming.

[YELLS IN DELIGHT]

[UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING]

[CHATTERING INDISTINCTLY]

Take your picture.

Yeah!

Cheese!

Yeah!

Here you go!

Yay!

[GRUNTING]

Quaint. Just a simple little “grab and go.”

Okay. Okay, so they’ve done a few upgrades

since I was last here. Why being so dramatic?

All we have to do is climb the fence…

[ELECTRICITY CRACKLING]

[SHRIEKING]

[GRUNTS]

[MUMBLING]

[GASPS] Wait. Is that Otto?

Who?

Otto!

Of “Otto and Ethel.”

Uh… No clue who you’re talkin’ about.

He’s one of the mascots of Lactose Farms.

See? On the side of the barn?

I’ll bet he knows how to get into that place.

VIC: Leave him alone.

Seems to be in a period of meditation… or depression.

Yes, he does.

Hmm.

This calls for tact, sensitivity, and diplomacy.

Yeah? And where are we supposed to get that?

I have it. In spades.

Watch! Maybe you’ll learn somethin’.

Excuse me, you’re Otto, right?

[GRUNTS]

[CLEARS THROAT] I’m Garfield.

A pleasure.

Go away.

I just wanted to say I am a huge fan.

I have eaten everything

that has a picture of your face on it.

I’m not that guy anymore.

I even loved that recalled provolone from a few years back.

Junior, no.

Yeah.

Anyways, here’s the thing. Me and my crew back there,

we’re in a bit of a bind. Got ourselves in a situation.

Long story short, we could use your help.

[GRUMBLES] Hmm.

You’re a fan, huh?

[CHUCKLES]

Oh, yes! Big time.

Then sing the jingle.

Well, I don’t really sing on command.

I’m not a circus animal.

Sing it.

Really?

Sing it.

[CLEARS THROAT]

-Lactose Farms, Lactose Farms -[CLEARS THROAT]

We’ve got milks, butters creams and cheeses

More spirit.

Much as you want

As much as it pleases…

Livelier!

Come and take a look and see what we got

‘Cause what we got is a whole lotta lot

[SCATTING]

[HISSES]

Tasty goodness is our motto brought to you

By Ethel and Otto!

[GRUNTS]

What was that for?

I hate that jingle.

[GROANING] You could’ve just told me to stop.

Mmm.

[PEOPLE CHEERING AND CHATTERING INDISTINCTLY]

[SOMBER INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC PLAYING]

Hmm.

MAN: Let’s go. Kids are waiting.

[SIGHS]

[ODIE WHIMPERING]

Odie, come back!

Leave him alone! He might punch you!

[SOMBER INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC CONTINUES]

Was that Ethel?

[GROANS SOFTLY]

[ODIE WHIMPERS]

A few years back,

Old Man Lactose was forced out of business.

The corporation that took over separated me from my Ethel.

[DOOR SLAMS]

Ethel!

ETHEL: You are my day!

OTTO: You are my night!

I was put out to pasture.

[KIDS LAUGHING]

She was put on display as part of the tour.

I tried to get in there

to break Ethel free… but they stop me every time.

Now, I only see her six seconds, twice a day.

We… We feel you, Otto.

Come on, let’s go, Junior.

We’ll find another way to break in there.

What… What could you possibly want from that place?

You know, a couple quarts of milk.

Couple thousand quarts.

Mmm. Good luck.

We’ll take any helpful hints you have.

Pass.

I’m telling you, it’s a life-or-death situation.

Then I hope you’ve notified your next of kin.

What if we can get Ethel out?

Or get you a commemorative pin?

Where are we gonna find a commemorative pin?

[DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING]

Now, pay attention.

Here’s the perimeter of the plant.

And here are the two places you need to go.

First, the truck with your milk is back here.

[BELL DINGS]

And this delicate buttercup is my Ethel.

My North Star, and reason for living

is being kept by those barbarians in… a petting zoo.

Located here.

This cricket…

[SQUEALS]

represents the electrical room…

this snail, the refrigeration room…

this toadstool is the loading dock

where you’ll find the keys to the trucks.

Wait, what’s the pinecone?

The pinecone is the cheese and butter room.

Ooh, cheese is my love language.

Now, for this briefing,

I’ve done a quick reading of your personalities

and have chosen tokens to represent each of you.

Oh!

You are the majestic bullfrog.

[CROAKS]

Oh, yeah, that feels right.

You are the curious and clever chipmunk.

And you…

Wait for it…

are roadkill.

Huh? What? Oh. [CHUCKLES]

No, I get it. That’s a good one, Otto!

Giving your new best friend roadkill.

Seriously, though, what’s my real token?

That is your real token.

Now, if you have any chance of succeeding…

Wait, can I… Excuse me, can I switch to something living?

Like the snail or the cricket?

You should’ve spoken up sooner.

At this point, it would be too confusing to switch.

Sooner? But you just told me this five seconds ago.

Come on, Roadkill, focus.

Really?

You give Vic the majestic bullfrog.

You give Odie the curious and clever chipmunk…

and then you give me, your new bff, roadkill?

I mean, it feels disrespectful, not gonna lie.

What makes you think he’s dead?

My eyes. I have eyes and can see.

It’s a possum. They’re masters at playing dead.

Well then, little Daniel Day-Possum here

should do Shakespeare in the Park!

Things aren’t always what they seem.

You’re right. But in this case, they are.

What’s the big deal? Possums play dead.

Do they, Otto? Do they play dead?

Do possums play possum, is that what they do?

Yes. Possums are very clever.

Yeah, I’m sure he was

until the day he ate a pick-up truck!

Uh, just ignore him. Please, continue.

I’ll just put this back where you had it.

The straightest line to the loading dock

is through the snail here, then the cricket, there,

cut through the toadstool and onto the rock.

Each of these rooms have their own set

of unique challenges.

Well, why can’t we just go

straight through the pinecone?

You don’t want to go through the pinecone.

Looks like the straightest shot is through the pinecone.

You like walking with those feet, do you?

You a fan of unimaginable pain and misery?

Then go through the pinecone.

Stay away from the pinecone. Got it.

Once you’re inside the facility…

[SPY MUSIC PLAYING]

You will enter the electrical room.

There you will locate the air vent.

Pop the grate and climb up.

Then, you’ll crawl through a maze of vents and drop down…

[CROAKING]

to the refrigeration room.

Next, you will need to hurl your body

over a 30-foot drop… to a series of hand rungs.

You’ll propel yourselves hand-over-hand…

and drop down directly into a loading dock.

From there, you’ll locate the keys to the milk truck.

Drive that truck to the west pasture of the complex,

cut the lock on the gate.

And find the closest thing we have

to an angel here on earth.

You’ll escort my sweet Ethel onto the truck

and drive her to freedom.

[MUSIC ENDS]

It’s going to take mad skills

to get that milk, and free my dear, sweet Ethel.

Clearly, this one is qualified for the mission.

But I have some serious doubts here about all of… this.

He’s pointing to you, Roadkill.

Hmm.

Let’s get to work.

[ODIE GRUNTS]

Stupid roadkill.

Hey! I’m workin’ here!

Ugh. Definitely a Monday.

MAN ON PHONE: Your call is fairly important to us.

If you’ve lost a cat, please press one.

If your cat is orange…

Yeah.

Please press two.

This doesn’t really accomplish anything…

[GASPS]

but gives you the false sense

that we’re engaged with you.

[WHIMPERING]

[UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING]

OTTO: All right, gentlemen, I’ve made a list of skills…

that you’ll need to master in order

to break into Lactose Farms. Number one,

develop lightning-fast reflexes.

You tell Garfield there’s a plate of pasta

on the other side of that wall

and you will see lightning reflexes.

Yeah, no, no, no. Depends what kind of pasta.

This pebble represents danger you may encounter.

You need to grab it, before it grabs you.

[SCOFFS] It grabs me?

Snatch the pebble from my hand.

Too slow!

Ow!

What was that for?

Being able to grab the pebble could be

the difference between life and death.

All right, let me try that again.

[STRAINING] Ha! Got it!

[GRUNTS]

Now what was that for?

It’s never just about the pebble.

Come on, Junior, everyone knows that.

Your head’s got to be on a swivel at all times.

Gotta be ready for anything.

I was ready. He changed the game.

Sounds like someone’s making excuses!

[CLANGING]

And what was that about being ready for anything?

You were distracting me!

Might I suggest putting your head on a swivel?

You should have seen that coming.

Toes on the line! Guard your grill!

Cover your stomach!

There are surprises around every corner

at Lactose Farms. You need to stay alert!

Too slow! A baby could have seen that coming!

Too slow! Too slow!

[SODA CAN POPS]

Too slow!

You’ll never make it through Lactose Farms

if you can’t survive this training!

Are you for real?

What kinda dairy is this?

The kind of dairy that requires teamwork to survive!

Danger could be anywhere, gentlemen!

[GRUNTS]

You’ve got to be ready to outrun it.

[BOTH YELL]

[GASPING AND GRUNTING]

[TRAIN HORN BLOWING]

Here comes the pain!

Left, right, left, right.

You’re confusing me!

[BOTH GASPING AND GRUNTING]

[YELLING]

[SHUSHES]

[YELLING]

[CRASHING]

[BOTH GROANING]

I think I’m gonna need rehab.

[GRUNTS]

[SIGHS WEARILY]

If this is going to work,

these two have to be on the same page.

I’m out of ideas.

You got any?

Can’t believe I’m out in the middle of nowhere

getting beaten up against my will

by a former celebrity steer.

Odie? Will you tell my son to please stop whining?

Odie, can you tell Vic

that I collapsed on this tree first

and that he needs to find another one?

Odie, can you tell my son

that I will gladly find another one

when I get the feeling back in my legs?

Odie, can you tell my father

that he wouldn’t be lying in pain

if he led a better life

and didn’t create problems for himself?

Could you please inform my son

that he should focus on fixing his own issues?

Odie? What?

Odie? What’d you do?

[SCOFFS]

After all I’ve let you do for me.

Ooh. What is this?

Hey, watch it!

[SNICKERS]

What’s the problem, Vic? Is this bothering you?

[GRUNTS]

[STRAINING] No. In fact, I don’t mind it at all!

I don’t mind it either.

[STRAINING]

Ow!

[BOTH GRUNTING]

I could watch this all day.

Stop pulling.

I’m not, you’re pulling!

If I was pulling, you would know it!

Why does everything you do

always end up hurting me?

Hurt you?

All I ever did was try to help you.

You sure? ‘Cause every time you’re around,

it ends up with me in pain. Ow!

Odie! These ropes are not funny anymore! Ow!

[LAUGHS]

Maybe, if you were a little more open to seeing me,

things might be better between us.

You do remember you were the one who left me in an alley, right?

You don’t know what you’re talkin’ about.

Then please, enlighten me.

[SIGHS WEARILY]

This is about to get real.

Oh, that’s right. You’re normally never around

to actually defend yourself.

No back door to slink out of this time.

First, you abandon me, then years later,

you pull me into a life of crime.

Well, classic “Father of the Year” stuff, “Dad.”

You know, why would I ever think

that seeing you could be anything

other than a train wreck?

I did not leave you in that alley!

Oh, you did!

You told me you’d come right back. You never did!

No. That is not what happened.

Oh, please! You were probably on the run from someone

like Jinx and I was in the way.

No.

No, that, that night…

[SIGHS]

That night was different.

[SLOW PIANO MUSIC PLAYING]

[THUNDER RUMBLING]

[PEOPLE CHATTERING]

[STOMACH RUMBLES]

WOMAN: Hey! Shoo, shoo! Get outta here!

[MELANCHOLY MUSIC PLAYING]

[GROWLING]

[VIC SHRIEKS]

[DOG BARKING]

[DOOR OPENS]

Wait here, Junior. I’ll be right back.

Oh! Hey, get outta here.

Hey, how you doing? Yeah. I had to shoo a cat.

Yeah, yeah, diggin’ in the trash. Yeah.

So, what’cha up to now, huh?

Still takin’ it easy? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Oh, no, you’re kiddin’. Really? Oh, yeah, yeah.

It’s been raining here for a while now. Yeah, yeah.

Yeah! I’ll see you then. Okay, bye.

[MELANCHOLY MUSIC CONTINUES]

[PEOPLE SINGING AND CHEERING]

[GASPS]

[PIANO MUSIC PLAYING]

[UPLIFTING MUSIC PLAYING]

[SAD INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC PLAYING]

I…

I never knew.

I know, how could you?

Why didn’t you ever come visit me?

I did. [CHUCKLES] Million times I…

came to knock on your door

and I’d see what a great life you had with Jon.

So, I just…

thought it was better if I kept my distance.

I sense a positive breakthrough in your relationship.

Am I wrong?

Good. After an extensive evaluation,

I have concluded that you two are,

in fact, ready to move forward

with this mission.

VIC: We are?

GARFIELD: How is that even possible?

Mathematically, it isn’t.

But given your present levels of incompetence

and overall lack of basic skills,

I have determined it would take roughly…

seventeen years to get you both properly ready for this job.

And since we have…

less than 48 hours, you’ve passed.

Congratulations.

[ODIE GRUNTS AND YIPS]

[SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC PLAYING]

[JINX HUMMING “ALOUETTE”]

[DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING]

[CACKLING]

ROLAND: Um…

She’s really losin’ it.

Ugh!

[SIGHS IN EXASPERATION]

Yes, what is it?

They’re ready to rob the dairy.

Perfect.

Oh, everything is going to plan. Now, it’s time to make a call.

Excuse me, you keep that thing in your folds?

That is so disgusting. You. You dial the number

and put me on speaker!

[BEEPING]

[LINE RINGING]

WOMAN: Hello?

Hello? Lactose Farms?

How may I help you?

It’s come to my attention

that there’ll be an attempt to rob

one of your dairy trucks tomorrow.

It’s not important who I am or how I came to know this.

Just think of me as a concerned citizen

intent on fulfilling

my civic responsibility as well as…

Meow, meow, meow.

[MEOWING CONTINUES]

Uh, Chief?

[INTENSE MUSIC PLAYING]

We may have a situation.

Well, okay then.

Let’s go have a look-see.

JINX: Meow, meow, meow.

[CONTINUES MEOWING]

This is the third time they’ve called.

It just sounds like some cat prank callin’ us.

If it were a dog barking,

I’d be on board for a prank.

Them dogs are born for mischief, they just are.

Not cats. Oh, no.

Cats mean business.

[INTENSE MUSIC PLAYING]

[BEEPING]

JINX: Meow, meow, meow.

[DISTORTED VOICE] “I repeat, there will be an attempt”

“to make off with one of your milk trucks tomorrow.

“I suggest you take appropriate measures

“to prevent this brazen thievery from occurring.”

“Okay, I’m done. Hang up the phone.”

“Ha, ha. What an evil genius I am.”

[CALL ENDS]

Well, then, still seem like a prank to ya?

That last part did a little.

What’s our next move, Chief?

Our next move is for me to go back to my office

and formulate an ingenious plan.

And you go get my car waxed.

[INTENSE MUSIC PLAYING]

Well, well, well,

would you look at that, Margie Malone?

We’re having company tomorrow.

I guess I better take out my finest china

to serve a heapin’ plate… of justice.

[UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING]

What are those for?

For us to communicate once you’re inside…

the belly of the beast.

[SNARLS]

Uh…

Okay. Don’t we need something more like radio headsets?

[SCOFFS] Indoor cat. These are better.

It just feels like Bluetooth would be better.

These are better than Bluetooth.

These, these are better than Bluetooth?

They’re equal.

And I don’t have to pay for the brand.

[STATIC CRACKLES]

Gold Eagle to Chipmunk. Do you copy?

[YIPS]

Of course, you can hear him.

He’s standing three feet away from you.

Oh, I see you sprung for the binoculars.

Now, we just need to find…

a way in.

Anyone ever told you that you take

a lot of dramatic pauses when you speak?

Yes.

[GROANS]

[PEOPLE CHATTERING]

[HORN HONKING]

Hey, wait up!

GIRL: Look at that!

Bingo.

[TRUMPET BLOWING]

Hello, everyone! And welcome to the one

and only Lactose Farms!

If you will all gather around me,

we’ll begin our tour

and head into the heart of the farm.

MARGE: I know you’re here.

I can feel it. Show yourself.

WOMAN: Today you will discover the answers

to all of your dairy questions,

including the most asked dairy question of all time,

are curds the whey?

[PEOPLE LAUGHING]

OTTO: Bullfrog, Chipmunk, Roadkill, do you copy?

Are you kidding me? They actually work?

You should take this to Shark Tank.

Now, remember, the only way to get the keys

to the milk truck and free Ethel undetected

is by sticking to the path I mapped out for you.

If you deviate from that path, you will trigger security

and all bets are off. Understood?

All right, look alive.

The electrical access door

should be coming up on your left.

WOMAN: Okay, this way! [LAUGHS]

Hey, hey, look! There it is!

[INTENSE MUSIC PLAYING]

Okay, we’re in.

Continue through and locate the air vent

at the end of the hallway.

That will take you to the refrigeration room.

WOMAN ON PA: Factory workers, your 15-minute break begins now.

[ALL SQUEAL]

[BUZZER SOUNDS]

[CHATTERING INDISTINCTLY]

[WHISTLING]

Ugh! Oh, your feet need a deep rinse.

[YIPS]

[GARFIELD STRAINING]

What’s the hold up, Junior?

How do you get through this?

You’re bigger than me.

[STOMACH RUMBLES] Am I?

Yes!

Well, the vent doesn’t agree.

Try sucking in your gut.

I am.

Try sucking in your butt and your gut.

[ALL YELLING]

[INTENSE MUSIC PLAYING]

[GASPS]

[ODIE YIPS]

Bullfrog, what’s happening now?

[BOTH PANTING]

We fell out of a vent… into a room that looks like

it’s full of heavy machinery.

OTTO: Son of a cud.

You’re in the pinecone.

Jiminy Davis! The perp is a cat!

And this one looks like it could eat us out of business.

Oh, Vic, Vic! Look, there’s the loading dock.

No! Junior! Don’t move.

What? Why?

We’re in the middle of the pinecone!

Otto told us to stay out of the pinecone.

Oh, stop. There’s no pinecone. Otto’s a bit of a worrywart.

I can walk to the loading dock from here.

[GASPS]

VIC: No…

Junior!

[MUNCHING]

Mmm! Oh!

Cheddar.

Probably one of my top 26 favorite cheeses.

GARFIELD: Mmm-mmm.

What do you think happens when that gets to zero?

[ALARM BUZZING]

[GASPS]

OTTO OVER HEADSET: Bullfrog, what’s happening now?

Roadkill got carried away into the pinecone!

Listen to me. You have to carry on

with the mission. Get to the loading dock

before the workers return from their break

or you’ll miss your only chance to get that truck.

[GASPS]

[YELLS]

No, no, no. No, no, no!

[SHRIEKS]

WOMAN OVER PA: Shred sequence initiated.

[GASPS]

[ODIE BARKING]

Odie! Oh, thanks, buddy,

but I’m pretty full from the cheddar.

[YIPPING]

Oh? Jump off.

Yeah, yeah, good idea.

[GRUNTS]

Oh, good. He’s safe.

Oh, hang on. Wait. Where am I going?

Fondue. Fondue!

[SHRIEKING]

[BARKING]

[GRUNTS AND GASPS]

[SHRIEKING]

[GASPS]

[DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING]

[BARKING]

[SCREAMING]

[GASPS AND SCREAMS]

VIC: Junior.

[GASPING] Hot, hot, hot!

Hot, hot, hot! Hot!

[BOTH SHRIEK]

[YELLING] Junior!

[GROANS]

[SIGHS IN RELIEF]

Whoa-oh!

That was too close even for me.

[PANTS]

Thanks.

I couldn’t let you have all the fun.

WOMAN OVER PA: Workers…

What?

Your break ends in five minutes.

Okay, Otto, we’re in the loading dock.

Where are the keys?

OTTO: They should be hanging on a pegboard on the far wall.

[BARKS]

What do you mean we have a problem?

[BARKS]

Ah!

GARFIELD: Pegboard’s empty!

Empty?

Now would you look at this?

Three misguided stray pets trying to steal a truck o’ milk.

Never a dull moment at this dairy, is there, Margie?

Well, you’re looking for these, aren’t ya?

Well, here you go then.

So, how’s this gonna play out, fellas?

The easy way or the hard way?

And just so you know, I’m up for either.

Follow my lead.

Huh? What?

[ENTHRALLING INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC PLAYING]

[GROANS]

[NECK CRACKING] Who’s next then?

[YELLS]

[BOTH SHRIEK]

Otto, a security guard has the truck keys!

Crazy eyes? Tragic sense of fashion?

Yeah. How did you know?

Marge Malone.

Ethel!

Otto!

She’s not just my nemesis,

she’s also my enemy.

Love to hear about it, but right now,

what do we do?

Get those keys.

I’ll create a distraction so you can get out of there.

Come here, you!

[GASPING]

[ODIE WHIMPERS]

Did you see that? That’s indoor cat style!

[GRUNTS]

[ELECTRICITY CRACKLING]

[SHRIEKS]

[GRUNTS]

MARGE: No, no, no.

You’re not getting away. I’ve already called the pound.

Your days of thievery end today.

[BUZZER SOUNDING]

WOMAN OVER PA: Attempted perimeter breach.

Attempted perimeter breach.

Attempted perimeter breach.

Otto.

Attempted perimeter breach. Attempted perimeter breach.

Junior, sorry about this.

Sorry? For what?

[ALL GRUNT]

[GRUNTS]

Vic?

What are you doing?

Vic! Don’t you go.

Vic!

Please!

Send security

to the loading dock.

[STATIC BUZZES]

[ENTHRALLING INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC PLAYING]

[YELLS]

[GASPS]

Otto!

[TIRES SCREECH]

You do not want to try me today, mister.

[DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING]

[ROARING]

[OTTO YELLING]

Get him!

[ELECTRICITY CRACKLING]

[TIRES SCREECH]

[PANTING]

[BOTH GRUNTING]

[ENTHRALLING INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC PLAYING]

[ALARM BUZZING]

[YELLING]

[TIRES SCREECHING]

Phew!

Welcome back… Victor.

Hey, Jinx.

Why are you here? I… I was bringing this to you.

Were you? Really?

Yeah, of course I was. That’s what we agreed to, right?

Mmm.

[VIC SIGHS]

So, you and me square now?

[CHUCKLES] Not quite.

There’s still the matter of those five years

I lost because of you.

What? But I thought this settled that.

[LAUGHING]

It was never about the milk. It was about you getting caught

trying to steal it and being sent to the pound

like I was.

You see, Vic, I needed you to suffer

like I did.

Oh.

I see.

And I’m guessing you have an idea

about how that should happen.

As a matter of fact, I do.

I can’t believe he did that.

He ran out, and he left me. Again.

I thought he’d changed, but it was…

it was a lie.

All of it.

[MELANCHOLY MUSIC PLAYING]

[SIGHS]

How could I have been so stupid?

[SIGHS]

MAURICE: Oh, come on, kid. Don’t beat yourself up.

Vic, man, we’ve all been burned by Vic.

ALL: Yeah, that’s right. Burned every cat I know.

[ALL CHATTERING INDISTINCTLY]

Oh, yeah, the one thing about Vic you can count on

is that you can’t count on him.

Tell me about it.

CAT: Yeah.

MAURICE: Yeah, I’ll tell you about it.

Long story short, we all used to run in a pack

until we had to kick him out the crew.

[CATS CHATTERING INDISTINCTLY]

Like I said, couldn’t count on him.

Sounds about right.

He’d leave in the middle of a job

just to go see his kid.

Yeah, he said he wanted to check up on him.

Make sure he was doing okay.

But get this, he’d never actually visit.

He’d just sit across the street

from his kid’s house in a giant oak tree.

That never happened.

He’d watch that kid eat…

and eat and eat…

ALL: and eat…

He put a notch in the bark…

and eat, and eat, and eat.

Every time he was there.

Yeah. Sure, he did.

He’d go every Sunday night, rain or shine.

Said that it was his kid’s…

ALL: family dinner night.

[CHATTERING INDISTINCTLY]

Okay, hate to tell you guys…

I guarantee that never happened. Okay?

You all fell for another one of Vic’s lies. We all have.

Because that’s what he does best.

[ODIE BARKING]

Odie? Odie! How did you get out?

Quick, pick the lock on my cage.

Garfield, there you are!

[GASPS]

Jon! Oh! Take me away from all this.

You can’t imagine what I’ve been through.

You want this one too?

Oh, yes, I do.

I was hung upside down.

You sure he’s yours?

He didn’t have a tag.

I jumped a train.

Yeah. He has a tag.

Huh? I have a collar and a tag? How long have I had those?

Okay. I’m just gonna need you to hold.

I will not hold! I am done holding!

The Jon who was on hold is dead. Do you understand?

[UPBEAT ROCK MUSIC PLAYING]

That’s right. I’m back, baby!

I was just talking about you, wasn’t I?

Oh! I’ve missed you too.

WOMAN ON TV: Coochie coochie coo!

Pooky!

I have a lot to tell you. You’re never gonna believe it.

Crazy stuff happened. I slept outside, twice!

I know. Me.

Oh! And I got you this commemorative pin.

JON: Dinner time!

[GASPS]

Talk later.

[UPBEAT MUSIC CONTINUES]

Ah!

JON: Say when.

Never, Jon. Bury me in cheese.

JON: I have two more in the freezer.

Let me know when you want ’em.

[BELL DINGS]

I’m gonna go check on dessert.

Oh, I apologize in advance.

The eating you’re about to see will not be pretty

and if you have young children,

this would be a good time for them to leave the room.

Mmm-hmm!

[SLOW INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC PLAYING]

CAT: He’d just sit across the street from his kid’s house

in a giant oak tree.

[STOMACH RUMBLING]

I know, I know. We’re coming back.

I just need to check something out first.

[SLOW INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC CONTINUES]

[TIRES SCREECHING]

CAT: He put a notch in the bark…

every time he was there.

[GRUNTS]

[STRAINING]

“He left a notch.”

[SIGHS]

Yeah, right.

[UPLIFTING MUSIC PLAYING]

He was here.

He saw me grow up.

[ODIE BARKS]

Oh! Ow!

Wow, that really stings.

I don’t know why I didn’t think it would.

Give me a second.

[PANTS]

Vic loves us!

Me first, of course, but then you too!

But me, a lot, and first!

[SCOFFS]

Wait, but if he loves me, us,

why would he let me, us, get captured at the dairy?

Unless… [GASPS] He wanted

us to get captured!

WOMAN: Hey!

Yes!

Hey, watch it!

He knew that Jinx wasn’t gonna let him off the hook.

But if we got caught,

we’d get sent to the pound…

[HONKS]

and Jon would come to get us!

Don’t you see, Odie?

He was trying to save us!

MAN: Losers!

We have to go save my dad.

And here’s your favorite dessert,

Mount Candy-toa!

Uh, guys?

[RUMBLING]

[EXPLODING]

[GRUNTS]

Oh! Come on!

[MYSTERIOUS MUSIC PLAYING]

What is this?

[BOTH GASPING]

[BOTH GASPING]

[GASPS] Half a star for Mamma Leoni’s?

[GROWLS] She’s a monster.

[YIPS]

She’s gonna tie him up…

take him on a train…

[JINX CACKLING]

[GASPS]

She’s going to throw him off the Mile High Bridge!

We’re gonna need help. Who can we call?

Hmm!

Ah!

[GASPS]

Ugh! You’ve got a lot of waxy buildup.

What’s your Q-tip routine?

[GROANS]

You’re right, you’re right.

We can deal with that situation later.

Hello? Hello? Is anyone there? Hello?

[GROANS]

OTTO: Get off the line.

This acorn is for emergency use only.

Otto! Otto, please, listen.

I wanna make good on our original deal,

but… but I need a favor first.

Otto, are you still there

or are you taking a dramatic pause?

I’m listening.

[TRAIN HORN BLARING]

Hmm.

You know, Vic,

you only have yourself to blame for this.

[SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC PLAYING]

Right. Look,

there’s got to be some way for me to make this right.

I mean, I know we can think of somethin’.

Oh, there is, and you will.

[MUSIC INCREASES IN TEMPO]

[THUNDERCLAP]

[HORN BLARING]

[DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING]

So, once I get on the train…

I untie Vic and we jump off

right as the train gets to the bridge.

Correct. Chipmunk will be waiting for you.

[OVER RADIO] Confirm your status, Chipmunk.

[BARKS]

If you don’t jump right as the train gets to the bridge,

you’ll miss the net.

Got it. It’s getting close.

Have you considered throwing a rope over a branch

and just swinging onto the passing train instead?

You watch too much TV.

I’ve never watched TV.

Well, this way is much better than your rope idea.

Better than the versatile, reliable rope?

Look, I’ve studied the science. I know what I’m doing.

And you think you can battle these villains on your own?

Oh yeah. I have a plan. Odie?

Make the order.

[YIPS]

[BEEPS]

Now get ready to fling me

in the direction of that moving train.

[GRUNTS]

Get ready.

[HORN BLARING]

If I don’t make it back…

tell my story. Now!

Roadkill! You’re too high! You’re gonna miss it!

No, no, this is how you do it!

It’s called the ricochet approach!

Ooh! [LAUGHS WICKEDLY]

It won’t be long now.

I can’t tell you how excited I am

for what’s about to happen next.

[GRUNTING]

Dad! I’m here to rescue you!

No, no, no, Junior!

Get outta here!

I’m gonna untie you,

and we’re gonna jump off the train!

No! Just leave me and go!

I didn’t come this far…

just to turn around, let me untie you!

You’re ruining everything!

[GASPS]

Quick, this way!

[JINX YELLING]

Oh, you half-wit! Get them!

[DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING]

[SNARLS]

[GRUNTING]

[STRAINING]

[GRUNTING]

[BOTH GASPING]

The bridge is comin’ up!

We gotta get to the caboose now!

What? Why?

Just follow my lead!

Wow!

Ha! [LAUGHS]

[BOTH GASP]

Oi, kitty cat!

Did you expect to take us on all by yourself?

No. I brought… takeout.

[DRAMATIC MUSIC CONTINUES]

Huh?

Huh?

[HEROIC MUSIC PLAYING]

[GRUNTS]

[GRUNTS]

[GRUNTING]

[HISSES]

Ah-ha!

[GRUNTS]

I never understood the purpose of salad

until this exact moment!

[GRUNTING]

[DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING]

[GASPS]

Go, go! Now!

Get after him!

[SNARLS]

[YELLS]

[GRUNTING]

[GROANS] Huh?

[CHUCKLES]

Ow!

Yeah, in case you were wonderin’,

I do my own stunts.

Me…

and Tom Cruise.

[SNARLING]

Junior!

[GRUNTING]

[LAUGHS]

JINX: Stop him!

[BOTH GRUNTING]

[GASPING]

Now that’s amazing!

I can’t feel my tongue.

OTTO: Roadkill!

Are you at the caboose, ready to jump?

[GASPS]

[BOTH GRUNTING]

Dad! Dad!

Jump, Junior! I’ll catch you!

[YELLING]

[GRUNTS]

[GROWLING]

[BOTH GASP]

[HORN BLARING]

[GASPS]

What do we do now?

We do this!

[YELLING]

[GASPS]

See ya, everyone.

The net’s too tight!

Roadkill, the net is too tight!

I heard!

[SHRIEKS]

[YELLING]

Hello again, welcome back!

Now, where were we?

[VIC GRUNTS]

No, no! Don’t throw them over just yet.

No!

[STRAINING]

I want to find the perfect place

for them to make the biggest splat.

Hey, hey! Junior! Junior, Junior.

Get ready! Almost there!

I’m sorry my rescue didn’t work out.

No, you gave me another chance.

[SENTIMENTAL MUSIC PLAYING]

That’s all that matters.

Now, now! Drop them now!

Huh?

What are you waiting for?

Their love for one another indicates that

despite their current circ*mstance,

they are at peace.

Because they are together.

So?

If the point of your revenge was to hurt them,

it has done the opposite.

It’s actually textbook irony!

And we’re no longer comfortable with your plan.

[GRUNTS]

You two are still as weak as you were

when I found you sniveling in the pound.

“Ooh, no one will adopt us.

“I never grew into my folds.

“I hide behind them because I’m socially awkward.

“Please, somebody love me

“even though I can’t sit still for more than ten seconds

and have the attention span of a bloody goldfish!”

We did everything you ever asked of us.

I even spoke with this ridiculous accent

to make you feel more at home.

But no more!

[NEW YORK ACCENT] I’m New York, loud and proud!

I love myself the way I am

and I’m a big, brave, boy, baby!

And I’ve been working on my attention span.

[GASPS] Is that a hot air balloon?

[GROANS] You two…

are…

Worthless!

[YELLING]

[LAUGHS MANIACALLY]

[GRUNTS AND SCREAMS]

[ALL YELLING]

[DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING]

[GRUNTS]

[GASPS]

[ALL GASPING]

Might I just say as someone else with a zaftig figure,

you have a beautiful body, sir.

[ALL GASP]

Oh, dear!

[ALL YELLING]

Rope. Versatile. Reliable.

There’s something about your cadence that really throws me, but thank you.

[JINX YELLING]

[JINX MEOWS]

[GRUNTS]

[STRAINING]

[LAUGHING]

Tee-hee!

Tossing me off the train? Did not see that coming.

Well, when you live in the wild, you gotta keep your head on a swivel.

Right.

It’s basic Outdoor Cat 101.

And that had bird poop on it.

Hey. You good, Roadkill?

Not quite.

There’s one last thing to take care of.

Cut to…

[TYPEWRITER CLACKING]

GARFIELD: It was a dark and foggy night.

The air was damp and heavier than a broken heart.

On nights like this, you can’t swing a cat

without hittin’ shady characters

makin’ shady deals all over town.

Oh, but this night was going to be… different.

Justice was about to be served.

With a helping of retribution on the side.

Is that… [CLEARS THROAT] the package?

[ELECTRONICALLY ALTERED VOICE] It is.

Then we have a deal.

[WHISTLES]

No one will come looking for her?

Nope. I did what you said.

I burned her paperwork.

And then shredded it and burned it some more.

It’s like she never existed.

Except for the image of her face on millions of dairy products.

[MYSTERIOUS MUSIC PLAYING]

[BELL DINGING]

[IN NORMAL VOICE] This…

[RASPY VOICE] never happened.

Agreed.

[GROWLS]

Oh, save it, Cat Fancy.

I know you planned the milk truck heist…

and then tried to throw those innocent cats off a train

to cover it up.

The boys told me everything.

[GASPS]

Mmm-mmm-mmm.

[GROWLS]

Oh! [GASPS]

Otto! Oh!

[SENTIMENTAL MUSIC PLAYING]

You are my day.

You are my night.

[“LET’S GET IT ON” PLAYING]

[MOOING]

[SLOW INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC PLAYING]

Uh…

[SIGHS] Well, this is us.

Right. You’re home.

Hey, listen, I’m sorry.

I just want to say I’m sorry.

What are you sorry for?

For misjudging you.

Oh.

Well. Thanks.

Well, I just wanted to apologize to you for…

Everything bad that happened to us the last three days?

You know, you had your hand in

a few bad decisions back there too, but…

[SIGHS]

yeah, I’m sorry for dragging you into my world.

This is where you belong,

here with Jon and…

What’s your name again? Odor?

Huh? [SNARLS]

[YIPS]

So… uh, yeah, I should go.

Yeah, yeah.

I mean, unless… you’d want to come in?

Nah. No, no. I don’t think that would work.

You know, I’m an outdoor cat.

Right. Sure. Sure.

No, I just… I figured that…

No, no, no, I get it.

But, you know what?

I got this thing on the other side of town I gotta go do so…

No. I’m very busy too. Yeah.

See you around then?

You know where to find me.

In the kitchen.

[CHUCKLES SOFTLY]

[MELANCHOLY MUSIC PLAYING]

Well, take care.

And remember,

[IMITATING OTTO] “stay out of the pinecone.”

[BOTH CHUCKLE]

[BARKS AND GRUNTS]

What? You heard him. It’s for the best.

Mmm-mmm.

[GASPS AND GRUNTS]

[YIPS]

[JON GASPS]

You’re back? What is going on? Are you okay?

I was so worried!

You know, I was gonna add more locks to the door,

you know, try to keep you in, but then I thought, “Well”,

“what if they wanted to be outdoor pets?”

Do you wanna be free-range?

[BOTH GRUNT]

I really missed you guys. And I gotta say…

it’s great to be together again, the whole entire family.

You have no idea what the last few days have been like.

Phone calls, and hold times and tears.

[YIPS]

And more tears.

Don’t give me that, I asked him to stay.

Mmm-mmm!

He wanted to leave!

You heard him, he said he had to…

[GROWLS]

Well, I…

A family should consist…

Fine. I’ll be right back!

Wait, wait, what?

Ah! Am I using trigger words that I’m not aware of?

[MELANCHOLY MUSIC PLAYING]

[GASPS]

[PLEASANT MUSIC PLAYING]

So, you coming in or do we have to bring food up there to you?

I’ll come to you.

I just need to finish something up here.

[EXHILARATING INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC PLAYING]

You know, those notches show how much you love me.

Is that what you think they mean?

Yeah.

Nah, I was just counting how many slices of lasagna you ate.

[ORCHESTRAL MUSIC PLAYING]

GARFIELD: My medium is cuisine… my colors are flavors… my palette is my palate… if you will.

[SNIFFS] Ah!

[DINGS]

Dinner is served!

Wow, son, I didn’t know you could cook.

Ah, yes, pasta is my paint, and… the dinner plate my… [GRUNTS] canvas.

Oh! That’s where that went.

I’ve had worse. [LAUGHS]

Thank you, Garfield.

[MUNCHING]

Is he gonna be coming around for dinner often?

Yeah, he’s family.

[BARKS]

[ALL LAUGH]

[PHONE BEEPS]

What? Why do I have a takeout bill for 6,000 drone deliveries?

Shh!

[POP MUSIC PLAYING]

[BEEPING]

[BELL DINGS]

[ODIE WHOOPS]

[SHRIEKING]

[UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING]

[UPBEAT MUSIC CONTINUES]

[POP MUSIC PLAYING]

[MUSIC ENDS]

[UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING]

JINX: [SINGING] This is just what I had planned

Though I’m thrilled to meet you

I’m just a minx of English brand

Dreamed of the cat show

‘Til one night in the street

‘Twas my chance I would meet

A meow so discreet

We had the world on a string

‘Til he cut town and left me empty-handed

[MEOWS]

I’m back

And I’m on the prowl

Revenge would taste so sweet right now

I’m back

CHORUS: She’s back

JINX: It’s time for war

Watch me scratch, hear me roar

CHORUS: She’s a cat on the prowl

Got a mighty meow

She’s the queen of the streets

Her name is Jinx

JINX: That’s me

I’m back

I can’t believe he double-crossed me

That really was so mean

We were friends from the start

A real work of art

The thickest of feline thieves

He came up with a scheme

To steal all the cream

But I was the only one caught

I was locked in a cage

Where my heart filled with rage

And I developed this maniacal scream

[LAUGHING MANIACALLY]

ROLAND: Ay, yo.

It’s doggy-diggitydiggity-diggity-D

I’m bringing the biggity-biggity-biggity-beats

Don’t you…

JINX: No, no, no. Shush.

In case you hadn’t noticed…

I’m back and I’m on the prowl

Revenge would taste so sweet right now

Well, I’m back

CHORUS: She’s back

JINX: And it’s time for war

Watch me scratch, hear me roar

CHORUS: She’s a cat on the prowl

Got a mighty meow

She’s the queen of the streets

My name is Jinx

Her name is Jinx

JINX: That’s me

-I’m back -She’s back, she’s back

JINX: I’m a cat on the prowl

CHORUS: She’s back, she’s back

JINX: A mighty meow

CHORUS: She’s back

Her name is Jinx

JINX: That’s me

I’m back

She’s biggity, biggity, biggity, bigitty back

I’m back

[UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING]

The Garfield Movie (2024) | Transcript - Scraps from the loft (2024)
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